


I'm Here

by MyBelovedMavin



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Anxiety, Panic Attack, mentions of depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-04
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 07:23:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3479411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MyBelovedMavin/pseuds/MyBelovedMavin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gavin was a heavy sleeper, but this sound never failed to wake him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Here

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: mention of panic attacks and minor mention of depression and anxiety.
> 
> A/N: Thanks to Chu (aka the queen of angst) again for helping me out!

“Do you hear that?” Gavin whispered.

No one answered,which wasn’t very surprising, because it’s the middle of the night. Or at least something close to that, Gavin didn’t really feel like checking the time. He lied still for a moment, just listening. When he felt like the sounds had stopped, he pulled the covers over his head again and went back to sleep.

Well, he tried to.

“There it was again.” Gavin said, louder this time. 

But again, no one answered. 

“Michael, are y-“

He turned around to look at his boyfriend, but he wasn’t there. Gavin assumed he just went to the bathroom to take a piss, so Gavin shifted to lay on his back and waited. It was a pretty cold night and Gavin expected Michael to run into the bedroom, jump into the bed and put his cold feet against Gavin’s body any minute now. He always did that; Michael’s such a prick. No, he’s not a prick. He’s a complete asshole, but Gavin couldn’t imagine life without him. Whenever he was relaxing like this, he couldn’t help but think of the time he and Michael got together. Such warm and happy th-

“Michael?” Gavin yelled and hopped out of bed.

He heard the sound again and he finally knew what it was, he should’ve recognized it. Goddamn it.

Without having to think about it Gavin ran to the bathroom. The door was closed, but not locked. Slowly and carefully he pushed the door open, dreading what he would find inside.

“Michael?” He tried again, but much softer this time.

Michael didn’t answer, but he didn’t even have to. Gavin fully opened the bathroom door and stepped inside, the sight before him was all too familiar. The love of Gavin’s life was just there, on the cold floor. Gavin could almost feel his heart sink. Michael sat in the corner of the bathroom, with his back and right side to the walls. He held his knees tightly and he’d buried his head in his arms. He was so out of it that his fingernails were digging into his arms and he didn’t even notice it. His face was completely hidden from sight, but the sounds were enough for Gavin to know what was going on. Gavin had experienced this many times before, but it didn’t get any easier. Michael always seemed strong, but whenever he was like this, he looked incredibly weak and fragile. It scared Gavin to see him like this. 

Gavin stepped towards Michael and knelt down next to him while he continued to cry.

“Love?” Gavin tried.

Michael didn’t react. His breathing became more and more frantic and Gavin could see his chest heaving.

“Michael, it’s okay. I’m here.” Gavin softly said and wrapped an arm around Michael’s shaking body.

“No, no, it’s not.” Michael blurted out.

“What’s bothering you?”

Michael shrugged, but didn’t say anything.

“Talk to me, love.” Gavin pulled Michael closer and wrapped his arms around him.

Michael protested slightly at first, but soon gave in and wrapped his arms around Gavin’s waist. He pressed himself as tightly to Gavin as he could and placed his head on Gavin’s chest. In turn Gavin sat down and began to comb Michael’s curls with his fingers.

“What’s going on?” Gavin asked, even though he knew perfectly well.

“Nothing.” Michael murmured.

“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.” Gavin retorted.

“If you know what’s up, don’t fucking ask me.”

“But I want you to tell me.” Gavin insisted.

“No. You tell me this time.” Michael snapped and held him even tighter.

“Fine. You’re having a panic attack.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Yes, you are. I can feel your heart trying to jump out of your chest and the way you breathe makes it sound like you’re dying.” Gavin casually explained. 

At times like these, it took Gavin all of his willpower to remain calm. The first time he’d witnessed one of Michael’s panic attacks he didn’t know what to do and started to freak out. Of course this didn’t help at all, so in the end Gavin had to call an ambulance. Ever since he started to do research and tried to figure out what to do. Not every person is the same, so it took him a while to find a strategy that was effective. He now knew that it was best for Michael to be very straightforward and act like he always does.

Gavin waited for Michael to break the silence, but he said nothing. He just continued to cry.

“Hey, Michael. Look at me.” Gavin said and lifted Michael’s chin.

Michael’s eyes were red and puffy from crying, but he didn’t look away.

“Just tell me, Michael.”

“I’m scared. I’m scared I’m not good enough and that I will let everyone down. I’m scared that I won’t get better. I’m scared that no one will be there for me when you go back to England next week. I’m scared that you’ll leave me and I’m just fucking sick of being scared all the time.”

“Oh, Michael. You know that none of that is true right? You are a wonderful person and you put so much effort into your work, why do you think you’re not good enough?”

“Because I have to do a lot of shit and everyone makes mistakes, so I’m going to fuck up sooner or later.”

“So what if you mess up.”

“I don’t want to be an electrician again, Gavin.”

“Burnie isn’t going to fire you, just because you messed something up once.”

“What if he does? And what if he finds out I’m depressed and anxious all the time? Who wants an employee who can’t even get his thoughts straight?” Michael cried.

“Are you truly scared of him finding out?”

“Yes.” Michael sniffled.

“If he finds out, there’s only one thing I’m absolutely sure he’s going to do and that’s look after you. He’ll call you a hundred times a day and ask you how you are doing whenever he gets the chance. That’s what he’ll do.” Gavin laughed a bit to release the tension.

Michael stopped crying, but he was still breathing rapidly.

“And you know that I’ll Skype and call you when I’m away, right? I’m always there for you, even when I’m on the other side of the planet.” 

“I don’t like it.” 

“I know you don’t, but I sort of have to and nothing happened last time, remember?”

Michael just shrugged and buried his face in Gavin’s t-shirt.

“Michael, do you remember? I was right about everything being fine. I’m always right about that.” Gavin said as he cupped Michael’s cheek and made him look up again.

“And why are you scared that I would I ever leave you?”

“Because I’m afraid that you’ll get sick of having to deal with my problems.” Michael whispered.

“But I want to help you. I really do. Besides, think of all the fun times we have together. I wouldn’t want to miss those for the world.”

A small smile appeared on Michael’s face when Gavin said that. Gavin grinned back at him and kissed him on his head.

“I love you.” Michael whispered.

“I love you too. Shall I tell everyone that you got into a fight then?”

“What?”

“Well, it looks like someone punched you in the eyes.” Gavin teased.

“You’re a piece of shit.” Michael replied.

Gavin started to laugh and, to his own surprise, Michael laughed with him.


End file.
